leadership?

self examining, through people i admire...

I had my three of my favorite leaders in the world, in one space last night…

Sitting outside on the patio of a new restaurant in Downtown St Pete.

Drinking, eating, laughing…

Bartering stories of life’s hilariousness under a full moon, enveloped in fresh air.

I sat there feeling grateful to be me.

In reflection and admiration, I notice we have some things in common beyond loving food…

Maybe things that have always been obvious, but are newly clearer…

Firstly, it looks like we all have a thing for helping people.

We’ve all gone on extravagant side quests doing that… met various characters on those journeys… which may feel a little like detours sometimes, but always end up being meaningful paths forward.

We are all who the fuck we are, and we touch lives.

Bold. Warm. Clever. Silly. All in our own ways… Different varietals.

It’s cool and lovely to have things in common with people you admire.

There’s this duality of looking up to each of them, but also feeling like we sit side-by-side… maybe that’s the decade of age between us, combined with where we have special areas of common ground.

The woman of the three is a maternal big sister energy in my life… but we have formative things in common when it comes to being women. Daughters of critical asian mothers. Seasoned by challenging elements of our upbringings. Experience with platonic heartbreak. A few shared indie tendencies towards men… If the versions of each of us who could handle the whole floor during our respective hospitality arcs met, we’d have made one helluva hospitality team, just us two lol. The fly-on-the-wall in me has a home with her. I think she would be a great writer.

The two men have both been "boss man” energies in my life, and the lives of others. Being among each other’s favorites, feels mutual. Few people in this world are as fun to talk to and listen to speak as they are. Intellectually charismatic girl dads, who adore teaching. We find common ground where it comes to being extraverted hospitality and internet money animals, respectively… and extending some eccentric, masculine traits to the world and people around us.

There’s a sovereignty, substance and playfulness to each of our spirits.

And a yin-yang-like reflection, when I take a look at them in hindsight, as a combination of mirrors.

Examining who I am and what I do for others in isolation, feels different to when I consider what I may have in common, with who these three are to me… I just got back to a 1:1 client on Telegram… and as I write this, I wonder: do I extend that same kind of atmosphere when I’m the friendly mentor to others?

I guess I may…

I should know for sure, right? Lol.

It is a little extra beautiful to notice the possibility of this, because I enjoy and adore how it feels to know and learn from them… and the ways I’ve benefitted from it are irreducible.

It’s not like I don’t get feedback to support this idea, but it doesn’t sit in my bones the way it seems to for them as leaders.

Or maybe it’s half baked, when it comes to how I view my identity… and now I’m taking a closer look.

It’s fulfilling of course, to be something of a leader for people… purposeful and gratifying. But how it looks from the outside, is still a bit abstract for me. I don’t chronically view myself as a leader. Not yet. But the evidence has kinda been stacking… does a part of me avoid this?

This musing is reminiscent of a moment in time from a past community experience.

I was training in a community of aspiring sales people… and the leaders of that community, pointed to me in certain ways.

One of the men I spoke to on the side, would narrate external perceptions of my role to others… and I noticed the gap between ways I feel like a novice, social butterfly child… and how I come off as a bold, caregiving woman with some experience.

I realized, for maybe the first distinct time, how I’m seen.

Almost like I forget what it looks like, even though it should be obvious.

From the inside looking out, can be very different from the outside looking in…

I really just view myself as this random chick learning, connecting and musing out loud, effortlessly finding friends in all sorts of groups and places… and I realize a gap between how I identify, and how I am viewed.

In a company I currently work for, I regularly feel nudged by one of my leaders to take up more space. To speak up more. To voice my thoughts and opinions for others.

I’m reached out to regularly, for insights into how I do what I do… but when this happens, it doesn’t feel like I have anything special to share.

I realize I don’t speak up as much in a room of 50 people…

I feel like a student in those spaces.

But in one on one, or smaller groups, I more effortlessly feel like a leader.

I think there’s something in this to look at…

When you like to help others…

I think you need it just as much, as the people you help.